These past few weeks have been good. I have not blocked the most recent pregnant couples on facebook and I even unblocked one of them earlier this week. Bronson and I made it through Father’s day without tears and didn’t even skip church that day. I was telling my sister- in- law to be, this past weekend, that I KNOW our time is coming soon. I can tell that something is different and the way things are working out that God is putting his arms around me and whispering that our dreams are about to come true. He is holding me tight because they still have not happened but the calming of my Father in heaven whispering “It’s alright baby, just hold on a little longer” gives me hope and strength to move forward in a positive way daily. I know that God will bless us with children one day for God did not make me to love children with as much passion as I do just to take that ability away from me. God does not give you a gift in life and never allow you to use your gift. It is with this mindset that I have FULL confidence that our time is coming. We just have to be patient for it.
Bronson and I have so much to look forward to with the purchase of our house coming up. We go to it weekly to see what new things they have done to build it. We have finally put our minds on something other than our childless home. We are busy with design appointments, picking out the counter tops, cabinets, carpet and so much more. We have always dreamed of owning a home together but the money was never there. We finally stopped wasting money on failed fertility treatments and put it in something that when God blesses us with children, will in return bless our children to have a home. We still have three more months here with my parents, but time will fly and as soon as we know it we will be settling into our first home together.
When I opened up my devotional book, the first couple of pages screamed out to me. It was exactly what I was writing my blog about. “Purpose in Life”
Purpose in Life
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.
Psalms 138:8
Infertility can turn your world upside down. It can derail your plans, causing you to feel helpless to get back on track. You may question your purpose in life, wondering what you are meant to do if children are not in your future (or at least your immediate future). Depression can overwhelm you as you scramble to adjust to this unwelcome dissolution of your plans and dreams.
God’s Word promises us that, however we feel, we do have a heavenly purpose and God will fulfill it. That purpose might differ from the one you’ve designed for yourself, or it may be the same but with a different timeline. Because God has a purpose for you and for this suffering, you have no responsibility to create the purpose or bring it to pass. You are responsible only to look to God for guidance as He reveals His purpose for your life, and then act in obedience to this calling and to His Word.
Your life has purpose, and this purpose remains despite your current crisis of infertility. In fact, it may well be that this crisis forms a large part of God’s purpose for you. Throughout the Bible, suffering became the catalyst for dynamic healing and spiritual growth. When we suffer, we are more likely to turn to God and willingly to follow His leading. We become much more likely to listen and obey when we believe God can grant us relief. God, in His mercy, will not allow our sorrows to be wasted. He promises that we won’t suffer in vain if we turn to Him in our heartache.
The victory of Jesus on the cross means that we are not bound by apparent reality, but by Truth. What seems to be the end is only the beginning. What enemies intended to use to break our hearts becomes the very thing that brings healing and opens our mouths wide in joyful song. The piercing loneliness of infertility becomes a blessing as God reveals incredible comforts and helps us in turn to comfort others. God is shaping you for a great purpose—His purpose, and you can find strength for the battle today by remembering that He WILL fulfill this vision!
Lord, perhaps we can’t see Your clear purpose in our waiting for a child, but it eases our pain to know You do indeed have a plan. Help us to remember that every little obstacle, every lonely week that passes and every month that disappoints us is moving us toward the fulfillment of Your plan, not away from it.
