Weekend Escape

So mother’s day has come and gone, and was probably one of the best weekends I have had in a long time, thanks to Bronson for planning a weekend escape. We enjoyed the weekend by making first time memories together of places never been and lasting experiences of somewhat sketchy hotels and more. We also were blessed to meet up with a friend of mine who lives outside of Nashville, enjoying fun conversations over the best Bar-B-Q! Another amazing thing about this past weekend was all the thoughts, text, and letters I received from friends and family saying they were thinking of me and praying for me. I was overwhelmed with emotion that people were remembering me on Mother’s day. Bronson and I also purposely skipped Church (which we NEVER do) but I figured God would understand. He knows the pain we go through and Mother’s day is not in the bible (at least that’s how I justified it).

It was also an emotional day for the fact that one year ago, yesterday, we stayed at the hospital with our dear friends who were told earlier that morning their precious twin girls didn’t make it. So we sat and cried, prayed and questioned God while we waited for their birth and last day of life all at once. My friend was the first thing I thought of waking up Sunday and was the first person I contacted. Thankfully God has blessed them and they are expecting again (she is in labor as I type this) and I know that yesterday was so bittersweet for her. Such a sweet person who is already a mother but does not have her girls to hold, yet she has a beautiful baby boy who is waiting to make his arrival.

Unfortunately, Bronson and I were rained out of our adventures we had planned for Sunday. Instead we stayed in bed a little longer, checked out, and drove home in the pouring rain. It rained all day. I ended the day by doing something that basically defeated the purpose of “escaping” Mother’s day, which was going to the hospital to see my boss’s new grandbaby, and before that was going and buying him tiny clothes. I told mom I was nervous and got a little teary eyed on the way to the hospital but thankfully I held it together once we got there. I tried to make sure I didn’t pay attention to my surroundings, and I for sure avoided the nursery like crazy! God was with me and allowed my emotions to flee the whole time we were there. To me that was a sign of strength I didn’t know I had. After that, mom and I went and ate sushi. I do not think she knew it but it helped so much to talk and enjoy funny stories from our weekend before coming home and just sitting, for when I just sit, I think, and thinking is not a good thing for me. Especially when I leave a hospital full of new babies on Mother’s day!

Overall, because of how big “mankind” has made Mother’s day I couldn’t escape it for good but it was fun trying and it was nice getting away, just Bronson and me.

This weekend ties into the devotional I would like to share today. Even though some will say I “ran away” this weekend I think of it more as knowing I couldn’t get away from it but by planning activities it helped me to stay strong and focus on something other than “I am not a mother”. And by going to the labor and delivery section of the hospital to visit a family who just gave birth shows that I choose to “march on”.

You’re in the Army Now!

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, DO NOT FEAR; I will help you.

Isaiah 41:13

New recruits to the armed services go on torturous marches, carry heavy gear on their backs, and often walk through terrible conditions. They can’t stop, get precious few rest stops, and no one asks how they feel about the journey. Recruits who cannot complete the march suffer shame and humiliation and often get discharged from service.

You too, may feel as though you’ve been drafted against your will into the long march of infertility. Suddenly you’re sloshing through unpleasant conditions, heavy burdens weighing down your shoulders.

Are you short of breath, worn out, and unsure whether to go on? Should you give up and accept defeat? If so, you may have reached what military recruits call The Hump, the critical junction where you choose between defeat or against-all-odds endurance. Recruits know that although they face great battle of physical endurance, the battle of their minds to stay on the course is even greater.

Our testing ground is spiritual as well as mental. We can choose to sit down in despair and defeat, exclaiming that God cannot love us if He allowed this march against our will and amid these terrible conditions. Or we can choose to give away our agenda and give up our fears- into the hands of a loving God. We can decide to trust Him for the final outcome, regardless of what that might be.

If you have reached The Hump, you are nearing the end of your own power. You cannot complete this march relying on your own ability and with your own resources. You will feel tempted to plop down, to quit trying for a child, and to give up on God entirely. You can choose to stop this relentless march. You can weep for what you do not have and what has not been done and leave behind your faith in a just a loving God. Or you can walk on, receiving your strength from the outstretched arms of an unseen but ever-faithful God. God asks that we continue this march only on the promise that He is good and that He will provide whatever we need, when we need it.

You can end this march in one of two ways. Retreat and never conquer-or abandon the weight of fears and personal agendas and resolutely walk on in faith. The choice is yours.

Lord, when we grow tired and do not know if we should quit or continue, please allow us rest and refreshment. Encourage us and give us strength. Increase our faith so that we can believe in Your overwhelming love and direction more than we believe in the apparent reality of our circumstances. Help us not to focus in anger at the circumstances or the seeming injustice of being forced into this march against our will. If we have to choose between asking You for the strength to endure and questioning You about Your methods, grant us trust and power to choose the former!

Mother's Day

As Mother’s day quickly approaches, there is no way to escape it. From the radio to television to stores and even friends and family, everyone is talking about it. Mother’s day has been a day that I have come to dread. It is a slap on the face to infertile woman all over the world. As I was searching the internet for poems for infertile woman on Mother’s day I came across a website that talks about a special day for woman dealing with infertility. It is called National Infertility Survival Day. It was founded in 2004 by Beverly Barna, author of Infertility Sucks! Keeping it All Together When Sperm and Egg Stubbornly Remain Apart (Xlibris Corporation, 2002). Barna describes the holiday like this:

“I hope National Infertility Survival Day will lift their spirits and give them the impetus to celebrate themselves and that which they do have. This is not to negate the very real despair they may be facing. Rather, it’s an opportune time to stop and smell the Chanel, and also to blunt the emotional pummeling that can occur leading up to, on and around Mother’s Day. And it’s also a vehicle through which those close to them can provide meaningful, creative, and fun support."

The holiday falls on the first Sunday of the month of May. In 2012, the holiday is celebrated on May 6.

Scheduled for the weekend before Mother’s Day, the holiday's timing is intentional, so it can blunt the sadness and frustration that many women feel as Mother’s Day approaches.

How cool is that!? Too bad I found this today and not yesterday or sooner. At least I now know and can look forward to this in the future if needed. This Mother’s day I hope that I can smile for my mother and step mother and to be grateful for them but at the same time I hope people can be sympathetic towards those who long to be mother’s. Here are two poems I found that fit how I feel for this so called “wonderful” holiday.

“Happy Mother's Day”
it comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.

It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.

But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?

It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.

An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.

She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.

All odds are stacked against her,
and yet she still has hope

everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.

So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”
for those waiting for their dreams to come true!
-RS

The Day I Hate Most of All

Some days I’ve learned to dread
More than all the rest,
Difficult to get through
I try my very best.
The day I hate most of all
Always comes in May,
It happens each and every year
We call it Mother’s Day.
In church they’re given flowers
At home a handmade card,
Dad making everyone some lunch
Kids playing in the yard.
Reminds me what I do not have
Instead of what I do,
A little one to give a hug
And say, “Mom, I love you”.
Tomorrow I will live again
Just let me mourn this day,
I pray that I can make it
Through another Mother’s Day.

~Susan Reardon

Forgiving cruel remarks

All I remember about Sunday was being guided out of Church as I cried so hard I could hardly breathe. This past weekend Bronson and I were at my dad and step moms house for our annual family reunion. We had a great time on Saturday and I even got to spend hours talking to my cousin who went through infertility for years and finally had a success story with IVF. I didn’t cry a tear. I talked positively and firmly about God taking the lead in our fertility journey and enjoyed sharing everything with my cousin.

Sunday morning Bronson and I drove to Church with Mrs. P. for my dad always runs about 20 minutes late, therefore he takes his own car. We got to church just in time to sit down before it started. As we walk in I see an old friend sitting in the back. She recently got married because she was 4 months pregnant. I tried not to look at her or judge her. I just sat down and waited for service to start. Church started a little different that morning. Instead of starting off with singing like normal the minister got up and started making announcements. The first 5 minutes were announcements of babies being born, their weight, height, and utter excitement for the parents and grandparents. At this point Mrs. P. (my step mom) leaned over and said “come on, let’s go. You do not need to hear this.” I said I was “ok”, so we continued to listen to the rest of the announcements. Well that was the biggest mistake of my life. The next 5 minutes were all about who all was pregnant at the church and THEN the minister asked the expecting couple to stand so that we could see how happy and beautiful they were!! Everyone “awed” and that’s when I couldn’t hold back the tears! I lost it. I was crying so hard I couldn’t see the people in front of me. The couple sat down just in time for the minister to continue gloating about the couple and how amazing she looked being pregnant and how happy the husband was and how huge their smiles were on their faces! Mrs. P. then looked at me and didn’t even allow me to say I was ok. She grabbed my arm and she and Bronson had to escort me out of the building. We got out of the assembly right as I let out the most awful cry. Bronson was speechless and my step mom was in tears for my pain.

I got in the car and was so embarrassed that I couldn’t control my emotions better and was worried what people were going to think of me. Bronson and Mrs. P. kept telling me that was inappropriate and that it was ok to fall apart. I told them how just the day before I was fine with everything. How I had talked to Clancy for hours and didn’t shed a tear. They put their arms around me and loved on me till I felt better.

I wrote that story to tie into my devotional for today. I know that the minister had no idea that he was crushing me harder and harder with every word he spoke but it cut me so deep that I have not recovered from Sunday’s experience, yet. Last year I also wrote a blog on all the mean and hurtful things people have said to us over the course of the past two years. They did not know just how hurtful they were being, they were nervous and caught off guard but I believe that people still should be mindful of everyone.

I hope this helps those who do not know what to do or say when caught off guard or in an awkward situation.

Forgiving Cruel Remarks

Jesus said, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Luke 23:34

Can you name every insensitive thing said to you about infertility and conception? I can. Those careless words, rarely intended to hurt, seemed to sear themselves into my brain. A woman once suggested that I had some hidden sin in my life and that I would at last become pregnant when I confessed and repented. A different woman at my office shared horror stories of “a friend of a friend” who exhausted her marriage and bank account to become pregnant, only to wind up alone and bankrupt.

Infertile couples certainly are not alone, of course, in suffering through well-intentioned insults. One woman whose daughter had committed suicide by hanging herself received a sympathy card showing a cartoon animal dangling by its neck from a tree. The caption read, “Hang in There!” Anyone who has suffered a tragedy or life-changing illness probably can recount hurtful stories of unintentional blunders by well-meaning people.

Yet friends and loved ones rarely mean to hurt us with their words. Often at a loss about what to say-and uncomfortable with silence-they just saw whatever comes to mind. Others who wound us carelessly may have no idea that we’re struggling to conceive.

So how should we respond? Should we retaliate? Most of us have many ways of retaliating. Repeating the offense in the form of gossip gives us an indirect means of retaliation. Lashing out verbally or criticizing the offender provides a more straightforward approach.

As Jesus hung on the cross, crucified by those who rejected Him as Savior, He did neither. He spoke not a word of retaliation. Jesus did not attempt to justify Himself to them or even try to respond to their insults with the truth. Instead, He spoke of forgiveness. “Father,” He said, “forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” We may want to retaliate-but in fact, retaliating will only drive others away at the very time we most need their prayers and encouragement. Jesus calls us to forgive instead.

If you want to imitate Christ’s example, you must forgive even before you’re asked. Also ask God to forgive the offender. Then try to lovingly explain what words hurt and how friends and loved ones can best support you. Many people simply don’t know how to respond to suffering; forgiveness frees you to guide them from hurting to helping.

Try to realize, too, that you may be guilty of the same offenses. There have been times in the past and there will surely be times in the future when you will say or do the wrong thing, despite the best of intentions. Wouldn’t you want to know that your friend judged you by your good intentions instead of your hurtful blunders?

Lord, even as You died on the cross for us, we said things to intentionally hurt You and cause You pain. And yet You forgave us, before we asked and before we cared. Please show me how to forgive those who hurt me, too, before they ask and before they even realized what they’ve done. I trust You to teach them how to be sensitive to those who hurt, just as You are teaching me.