All I remember about Sunday was being guided out of Church as I cried so hard I could hardly breathe. This past weekend Bronson and I were at my dad and step moms house for our annual family reunion. We had a great time on Saturday and I even got to spend hours talking to my cousin who went through infertility for years and finally had a success story with IVF. I didn’t cry a tear. I talked positively and firmly about God taking the lead in our fertility journey and enjoyed sharing everything with my cousin.
Sunday morning Bronson and I drove to Church with Mrs. P. for my dad always runs about 20 minutes late, therefore he takes his own car. We got to church just in time to sit down before it started. As we walk in I see an old friend sitting in the back. She recently got married because she was 4 months pregnant. I tried not to look at her or judge her. I just sat down and waited for service to start. Church started a little different that morning. Instead of starting off with singing like normal the minister got up and started making announcements. The first 5 minutes were announcements of babies being born, their weight, height, and utter excitement for the parents and grandparents. At this point Mrs. P. (my step mom) leaned over and said “come on, let’s go. You do not need to hear this.” I said I was “ok”, so we continued to listen to the rest of the announcements. Well that was the biggest mistake of my life. The next 5 minutes were all about who all was pregnant at the church and THEN the minister asked the expecting couple to stand so that we could see how happy and beautiful they were!! Everyone “awed” and that’s when I couldn’t hold back the tears! I lost it. I was crying so hard I couldn’t see the people in front of me. The couple sat down just in time for the minister to continue gloating about the couple and how amazing she looked being pregnant and how happy the husband was and how huge their smiles were on their faces! Mrs. P. then looked at me and didn’t even allow me to say I was ok. She grabbed my arm and she and Bronson had to escort me out of the building. We got out of the assembly right as I let out the most awful cry. Bronson was speechless and my step mom was in tears for my pain.
I got in the car and was so embarrassed that I couldn’t control my emotions better and was worried what people were going to think of me. Bronson and Mrs. P. kept telling me that was inappropriate and that it was ok to fall apart. I told them how just the day before I was fine with everything. How I had talked to Clancy for hours and didn’t shed a tear. They put their arms around me and loved on me till I felt better.
I wrote that story to tie into my devotional for today. I know that the minister had no idea that he was crushing me harder and harder with every word he spoke but it cut me so deep that I have not recovered from Sunday’s experience, yet. Last year I also wrote a blog on all the mean and hurtful things people have said to us over the course of the past two years. They did not know just how hurtful they were being, they were nervous and caught off guard but I believe that people still should be mindful of everyone.
I hope this helps those who do not know what to do or say when caught off guard or in an awkward situation.
Forgiving Cruel Remarks
Jesus said, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Luke 23:34
Can you name every insensitive thing said to you about infertility and conception? I can. Those careless words, rarely intended to hurt, seemed to sear themselves into my brain. A woman once suggested that I had some hidden sin in my life and that I would at last become pregnant when I confessed and repented. A different woman at my office shared horror stories of “a friend of a friend” who exhausted her marriage and bank account to become pregnant, only to wind up alone and bankrupt.
Infertile couples certainly are not alone, of course, in suffering through well-intentioned insults. One woman whose daughter had committed suicide by hanging herself received a sympathy card showing a cartoon animal dangling by its neck from a tree. The caption read, “Hang in There!” Anyone who has suffered a tragedy or life-changing illness probably can recount hurtful stories of unintentional blunders by well-meaning people.
Yet friends and loved ones rarely mean to hurt us with their words. Often at a loss about what to say-and uncomfortable with silence-they just saw whatever comes to mind. Others who wound us carelessly may have no idea that we’re struggling to conceive.
So how should we respond? Should we retaliate? Most of us have many ways of retaliating. Repeating the offense in the form of gossip gives us an indirect means of retaliation. Lashing out verbally or criticizing the offender provides a more straightforward approach.
As Jesus hung on the cross, crucified by those who rejected Him as Savior, He did neither. He spoke not a word of retaliation. Jesus did not attempt to justify Himself to them or even try to respond to their insults with the truth. Instead, He spoke of forgiveness. “Father,” He said, “forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” We may want to retaliate-but in fact, retaliating will only drive others away at the very time we most need their prayers and encouragement. Jesus calls us to forgive instead.
If you want to imitate Christ’s example, you must forgive even before you’re asked. Also ask God to forgive the offender. Then try to lovingly explain what words hurt and how friends and loved ones can best support you. Many people simply don’t know how to respond to suffering; forgiveness frees you to guide them from hurting to helping.
Try to realize, too, that you may be guilty of the same offenses. There have been times in the past and there will surely be times in the future when you will say or do the wrong thing, despite the best of intentions. Wouldn’t you want to know that your friend judged you by your good intentions instead of your hurtful blunders?
Lord, even as You died on the cross for us, we said things to intentionally hurt You and cause You pain. And yet You forgave us, before we asked and before we cared. Please show me how to forgive those who hurt me, too, before they ask and before they even realized what they’ve done. I trust You to teach them how to be sensitive to those who hurt, just as You are teaching me.
Love you!!
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