Weekend Escape

So mother’s day has come and gone, and was probably one of the best weekends I have had in a long time, thanks to Bronson for planning a weekend escape. We enjoyed the weekend by making first time memories together of places never been and lasting experiences of somewhat sketchy hotels and more. We also were blessed to meet up with a friend of mine who lives outside of Nashville, enjoying fun conversations over the best Bar-B-Q! Another amazing thing about this past weekend was all the thoughts, text, and letters I received from friends and family saying they were thinking of me and praying for me. I was overwhelmed with emotion that people were remembering me on Mother’s day. Bronson and I also purposely skipped Church (which we NEVER do) but I figured God would understand. He knows the pain we go through and Mother’s day is not in the bible (at least that’s how I justified it).

It was also an emotional day for the fact that one year ago, yesterday, we stayed at the hospital with our dear friends who were told earlier that morning their precious twin girls didn’t make it. So we sat and cried, prayed and questioned God while we waited for their birth and last day of life all at once. My friend was the first thing I thought of waking up Sunday and was the first person I contacted. Thankfully God has blessed them and they are expecting again (she is in labor as I type this) and I know that yesterday was so bittersweet for her. Such a sweet person who is already a mother but does not have her girls to hold, yet she has a beautiful baby boy who is waiting to make his arrival.

Unfortunately, Bronson and I were rained out of our adventures we had planned for Sunday. Instead we stayed in bed a little longer, checked out, and drove home in the pouring rain. It rained all day. I ended the day by doing something that basically defeated the purpose of “escaping” Mother’s day, which was going to the hospital to see my boss’s new grandbaby, and before that was going and buying him tiny clothes. I told mom I was nervous and got a little teary eyed on the way to the hospital but thankfully I held it together once we got there. I tried to make sure I didn’t pay attention to my surroundings, and I for sure avoided the nursery like crazy! God was with me and allowed my emotions to flee the whole time we were there. To me that was a sign of strength I didn’t know I had. After that, mom and I went and ate sushi. I do not think she knew it but it helped so much to talk and enjoy funny stories from our weekend before coming home and just sitting, for when I just sit, I think, and thinking is not a good thing for me. Especially when I leave a hospital full of new babies on Mother’s day!

Overall, because of how big “mankind” has made Mother’s day I couldn’t escape it for good but it was fun trying and it was nice getting away, just Bronson and me.

This weekend ties into the devotional I would like to share today. Even though some will say I “ran away” this weekend I think of it more as knowing I couldn’t get away from it but by planning activities it helped me to stay strong and focus on something other than “I am not a mother”. And by going to the labor and delivery section of the hospital to visit a family who just gave birth shows that I choose to “march on”.

You’re in the Army Now!

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, DO NOT FEAR; I will help you.

Isaiah 41:13

New recruits to the armed services go on torturous marches, carry heavy gear on their backs, and often walk through terrible conditions. They can’t stop, get precious few rest stops, and no one asks how they feel about the journey. Recruits who cannot complete the march suffer shame and humiliation and often get discharged from service.

You too, may feel as though you’ve been drafted against your will into the long march of infertility. Suddenly you’re sloshing through unpleasant conditions, heavy burdens weighing down your shoulders.

Are you short of breath, worn out, and unsure whether to go on? Should you give up and accept defeat? If so, you may have reached what military recruits call The Hump, the critical junction where you choose between defeat or against-all-odds endurance. Recruits know that although they face great battle of physical endurance, the battle of their minds to stay on the course is even greater.

Our testing ground is spiritual as well as mental. We can choose to sit down in despair and defeat, exclaiming that God cannot love us if He allowed this march against our will and amid these terrible conditions. Or we can choose to give away our agenda and give up our fears- into the hands of a loving God. We can decide to trust Him for the final outcome, regardless of what that might be.

If you have reached The Hump, you are nearing the end of your own power. You cannot complete this march relying on your own ability and with your own resources. You will feel tempted to plop down, to quit trying for a child, and to give up on God entirely. You can choose to stop this relentless march. You can weep for what you do not have and what has not been done and leave behind your faith in a just a loving God. Or you can walk on, receiving your strength from the outstretched arms of an unseen but ever-faithful God. God asks that we continue this march only on the promise that He is good and that He will provide whatever we need, when we need it.

You can end this march in one of two ways. Retreat and never conquer-or abandon the weight of fears and personal agendas and resolutely walk on in faith. The choice is yours.

Lord, when we grow tired and do not know if we should quit or continue, please allow us rest and refreshment. Encourage us and give us strength. Increase our faith so that we can believe in Your overwhelming love and direction more than we believe in the apparent reality of our circumstances. Help us not to focus in anger at the circumstances or the seeming injustice of being forced into this march against our will. If we have to choose between asking You for the strength to endure and questioning You about Your methods, grant us trust and power to choose the former!