Hard days

These past few days have been hard. Starting with Sunday when Bronson gets a wake up text saying "emergency" from his dad. Bron calls to find out that his dad who works an hour away got a call from the hospital saying that Susan needs to get to the E.R. immediately due to some blood work that came back from when she was there Friday (We were the only ones close enough to get her there other than an ambulance). It showed she had a serious blood infection and no time was to be wasted. We quickly got dressed, drove to her house and picked Susan up. She was really scared and not knowing what to expect along with the rest of us. Long story short, she had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days to run test and find an antibiotic that would kill the infection. They had to monitor her heart and kidneys due to the fact that the infected blood shuts down your heart and kidneys first. She was sent home tonight with strict instructions and hard core antibiotics through her iv that she had to keep in. Sunday we stayed at the hospital off and on for about 14 hours and yesterday I was there with Susan for 13 hours straight, only leaving once to get slate from school (which took about 15 minutes) So to say the least I am physically and mentally drained.

It has also been those "bad" days I have talked about in earlier post; talking about our fertility struggle. Mostly, I have been having good days, but starting about Friday I became emotional and overwhelmed. Saturday I was surrounded by pregnant women and newborn's at the birthday party, and then ever since I keep finding out more and more of our friends are pregnant. I cried some last night and eventually pulled myself together, but today has been the hardest day yet.

It started this morning when I woke up. I just felt emotional but tried to hold it together until after Blake was dropped off. I just felt weak and heavy. She went down for a nap and I decided to catch up on a show I missed the other night. That was a HUGE mistake. It was all about the excitment of a baby being born, to find out it had passed (which doesn't do the show justice to how intense the scene's were), then read a memorial of a good friend who lost her precious twin daughter's last month. She did a beautiful job of telling their story and sharing their pictures, but of course it hits me right in the heart. Next, I move on to read a book about grief, pain and loss of a loved one called, When There Are No Words. I am actually taking it to my friend I just mentioned but I wanted to read it before dropping it off. The man who wrote it writes first hand about losing his two sons and the pain his family has and is going through. So of course the day continues in sadness and heartache. Eventually, Blake and I get out of the house and go to the park. It was a good relaxer until I got home and started thinking all over again. Shaina came over for our weekly Tuesday night exercise and shows ( usually the exercise is forgotten), but tonight we went on a much needed walk and she patiently listened to me as I talked and talked about how I have been hurting. It helped tremendously to talk and to have someone who doesn't understand but who is so sympathetic listen to what we are going through. The day ended on a good note with sonic drinks and our favorite tv shows.

2 Corinthians 1:4

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." (Thank you to all our friends and family who give us the comfort we need at this time)

I also got the sweetest card and gift in the mail today from one of my closet friend's who now lives in Texas. She said "I believe that every person is born with talents. You being a mommy is one of your talents and also getting people through labor ;)" Kins you have never lost faith in me and your words today have meant so much. The gift she got me was a bracelet that says "Believe, if you believe in it, you can achieve it" WOW...